Butcher my name with your silver tongue. Step back with disgust, purge all the memories of me like bad liquor- as if my name never felt good on your lips. Act like your taste buds never craved any of it. And here I am left lapsed in your absence, dressed in black in our wake. I can hear our decomposing flesh screaming in baby blue tones as the casket is lowered into earth’s womb. Maybe you just didn’t suffocate me good enough, or maybe a part of my soul will always scream for the truth.
I was prepared for the shifting of tectonic plates, whirling winds and tidal waves- but the probability of you severing ties was too difficult to anticipate. There you sit, scissors in hand, across the force field – the sea of resentment you have against me. You’re drowning, and oh how I long to be your lifeline – to pull you to the shore and bring you back to life. But I can already see you falling through my fingers like sand.
When the memories of me seem to come on too strong, when its claws extend and climb down your throat- I hope you choke on that curtain of pride you hide behind. I have become a martyr, ready to bid away my heart in exchange to see yours contracting and pulsing properly again.
You were always good at threading your words together like a crown made up of daisies upon my head. That’s why my boundaries never stood significantly. Or maybe what I brought to the table was not enough for you to pull up a chair and stay. But you held on long enough to feast off my quivering body, dismantling my soul and using my own hands to wipe your mouth clean of all the blood and tissue.
Do you really miss my presence that much that you’ve created a version of me within your lies? Fix your posture, you may have no backbone but I am the one left with phantom limbs.Your absence it’s like a roller coaster, but the memories are the restraints, holding me, keeping me buckled away – unhinged from you. While you’re plummeting in the contaminated abyss, I choose kindness. I choose to remember us for how we were and not what you made us out to be.
And maybe that’s the difference between us – you let it consume you at all costs, but in every capacity I refuse to fall.