oceans

You said you lived your life underwater.

Here I stand at the shoreline as the water meets my feet.

And you’re somewhere out there, but so far out of reach.

I’ll let the waters stand between us as a testament to the vast emptiness that exists there now.

I will scream across the tides, don’t fight the waves.

The water will always win and I was never much of a swimmer.

I can’t keep saving you.

I am still bleeding over an unreachable coastline,

but I will always remind you that letting go isn’t the same as giving up.

I hope that one day you learn to swallow that water instead of drowning.

Until that day I hope the water washes away your sins and blessed be.

Graveyard Dancing

I swore that if you stepped foot in my chest again it would not crumble.

You could tear open my chest and pull on my heartstrings. You could take a sample from the cardiac muscle tissue and try to stop it from contracting but I would not falter.

You could completely dissemble my heart but you would not break it again.

You could open every closet door you left behind but would not find any skeletons. I buried them all and set fire to the evidence so you would not be convicted of the crime.

You can’t say you know what love is but your idea of love is white powdered lines and liquid therapy.

All I could ever do is watch you destroy yourself, watch you roll up dollar bills and take two shots too many.

And I would scream from behind yellow caution tape as you flee the scene.

I was there. I was in every intro, every rising and falling action. I was there at your downfall. I dealt with the drunken phone calls. I was there when you couldn’t sleep. I told you stories till your eyelids got heavy.

I was always there to clean up every single mess you made.

I gave you my lungs just so you could breathe without the smoke blocking your airways.

You are a gaping wound that never fucking heals.

I can still see the scars on your fists, the sheetrock around your wrists, and the holes in my chest from the times you got too angry. But I just learned to hide the heartache in those places.

You did permanent damage to this foundation but I never asked you to renovate me.

I took it as it came. I rode on this emotional roller coaster with you. I held your hand along the way when you were too blind to see. You say you’re grown and can do it on your own.

But deep down you’re just a kid who’s too scared to be anything more than broken.

Skyline Eyes

I was waiting for that burn but it never started a fire.

December’s hands are tangled in my hair, tugging on my roots. Reminding me that she’s still eminent in my skin cells.

I want to rip open your chest and massage your heart with my calloused hands till it starts pumping blood again.

The temperature is dropping inside you at alarming rates.

You mimic winters piercing cold.

But darling it’s only autumn, let’s watch skeletal trees lose their leaves.

Let’s watch the sun set into evening.

Let’s perform an autopsy on pumpkins as if taking its insides out could make up for the blackened scar tissue growing around our bones.

The universe in you yearns for the galaxy in me.

Our stomachs are full of all the words we’re too afraid to tell each other.

I’ve pretended to go mad in order to tell you things, because in the midst of the chaos I can show a shred of honesty.

I promise I’m getting better.

My mouth tastes like a graveyard but yours tastes like sunshine.

Your skyline eyes outshine mine.

When people ask how you became a wreck you never tell them I was driving.

Gas petal floored and burnt out headlights, flying down a darkened , dead-end street.

I promised you if you stepped foot in my chest again, it would not crumble.

But the foundation is damaged and there’s cracks and crevices where your love seeps in.

I’ve spent the last few months wondering if I was the one who dragged you into the water or if I was the coast guard who saved you from the tides.

There are no words for the way the blood seeps out onto the cold tile floor, or for the way the room seems to suffocate itself when we’re in it.

I promised myself I wouldn’t turn you into a poem.

You’ve relinquished your hold when I needed it most but you always end up caving and I always end up breaking.

And here we sit.

And here my bones are brittle so you caress me softly and ever so sweetly.

And you remind me it’s okay to be scared of the tides but to step foot in the shore because the water will wash away our sins.

So blessed be. Everything is as picturesque as can be.

We don’t need a love that looks like the movie scenes.

It all makes sense, just you and me.